God and I had a conversation earlier in the day about giving. Tracy and I came to Haiti with about 100 pounds of gently used shirts, swatches of fabric, diapers, wipes, soap and pillowcases. It came in 2 duffel bags that were staying. We personally packed light and expected that we would leave a majority of our wardrobe as well. I love to give especially when I know the gift will be used and appreciated.
Back to my God conversation. He and I were talking because one of the room mamas who doesn't speak English pointed to my bright red skirt, smiled and said "love"! I picked up the skirt while on vacation this summer in Kansas City. I bought it with the intention of leaving it and its sisters, bright blue skirt and bright purple skirt. They were fun colors but not really my style of choice. It was easy to tell her the skirt was hers tomorrow. I thanked God that my bright red skirt could bring someone such joy. He then said "Give it all". I thought about how I would divvy up my skirts. Would it be to the mamas or to the teenage girls? I didn't really have any intention of handing out my shirts. I brought running shirts that I had gotten at races. They had memories attached. This one was my first half marathon, this half marathon was my best finish time, this shirt is white and will be ruined within a couple of wearings, BUT if you want me to I will give them. Later, I went up to Christopher's room to take pictures of his roommates. Mama Delva is Christopher's room mama. She's beautiful and about my height. She also doesn't speak ANY English, not a word, and my creole is even more atrocious than my hand gestures so there's smiling, hugging and cheek kisses to show our blossoming friendship. She pointed to my shoes and nodded her head. Wait. What? You want my shoes? No. What? These, God? Are you sure she doesn't just want my blue skirt? They're not even going to fit her right! These are my Chacos!!
For you who don't understand my dismay, Chacos are REALLY expensive (I'll just call them as she saw them) flip flops. They have an arch support, the intricate straps are all 1 piece that weave around your foot, and once you figure out how big to make each loop they fit you like a tailored glove. I started wearing them after my Chiropractor called me out for buying orthotics for my running shoes and then wearing $2 Old Navy flip flops the rest of the day. "You're ruining you feet and no wonder your back hurts..." I wore them all summer: to the pool, after races, to church, with skirts, shorts, casual, semi-dressy... I hope you're getting the picture. They were my go-to shoe.
God was not asking me to give what was easy and unnecessary in my life; He was asking me to give up something slightly more precious and valuable. I was going to feel this gift giving. As I slid it off my foot the thought when through my mind, "don't fit." How selfish and rude! God knew they would fit. God saw her $2 flip flops and all the work she does on her feet all day and said to me, "I care for her feet and back, too." I care for you both. I love you both.
At the end of the week, Emily (the missionary that lives at Lifeline) and I walked upstairs with my Chacos. I handed them to her and Emily told her they were hers. The hug was so big and it matched her smile. As we were leaving, Emily said that those were probably the nicest shoes she'd ever had and they would last her a long time. I came home in my old Tevas that I planned on leaving at the orphanage, but I came home with a full heart, knowing that I listened to the prompting of God. I will not lie, I was resistant when God first asked for obedience. I wanted to make excuses that would justify my disobedience. As I shared the interaction with a team member she said, "You can always buy another pair when you get home." True. But what if I never replaced them? What if I went without as a reminder that there are many people in this world who go without every day and I am not usually one of them? God challenged me to go beyond my own plans and I obeyed.
Will I continue to hear God's prompting and be obedient even if it's past my comfort level or my own expectations? I deeply desire that to be true.
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| My Chacos and my fun red skirt |
Precious Mama Delva
(Thank you to whoever took this picture. It's borrowed from someone on our team).
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