Thursday, May 16, 2013

Why adoption?

I am a runner. Why, many of you lovelies ask me? Well, because I am crazy! (That's the answer every non-runner seems to want to hear since those that ask would rather have a root canal or birth another child than get up at 4:45 in the morning to be ready to join me by 5:15am to run for an hour). So the real reason I started running long distance? Because I needed to. Until 3 years ago, I never believed I could run farther than a 10k. Then I got this hair-brained idea to run a half marathon. That's 13.1 miles for you non-runners. That's insane, right? Long story wrapped up because I'm losing all you who don't read the running blogs and running FB pages and network with runners just to find new trails - I ran a 50k (31miles) 2 summers ago and haven't stopped running since. I don't run because I LOVE running. I run for the relationships I have with those who sweat next to me, I run so that I live in a healthier body for my family and our future together, and I run for what God reveals to me about Himself and about our relationship through the physical act of putting myself out there and accomplishing goals I never believed possible.

Why is this relevant to our adoption story? I have been immersed in the adoption world for the last 2 years and feel that many of you friends and family that are not steeped in the adoption coffee chats, FB groups and adoption blogs I read have questions that need answering. Why adoption? Let's start with -

We are NOT adopting because we have it all figured out. We are by our human nature flawed. We are sinners living in a sinful world. We as the Hires family do not now or will we ever want others to believe we are better than anyone and that's why we are adopting. If anything, this process brings out more ugly than you knew was stuffed in your guest room closet!

We are NOT adopting to save or rescue a child to give him a better life in America. If I have learned anything from visiting my son's home in Haiti I have learned this - there is joy and contentment anywhere God has you in life if you choose to accept salvation and are a child of God. There is restoration and hope in allowing God to complete your life. I recently read that World Bank conducted a study some years ago asking over 60,000 poor people from 60 low-income countries, "What is poverty?" Their words speak a different reality than most Americans know. Ashamed that I have nothing to give, cannot afford to invite others to our home, powerless and unheard, hopeless, shame. Americans on the other hand when asked the same question spoke of material lacking - no food, medicine, or housing, etc. The skewed view of poverty in America is a hard pill to swallow. It's subtle but convicting. We don't have more when we have more stuff. We have more when our souls are filled with faith, hope and love. My son loves his home and I know there will be a time of grief as he mourns that loss.

We are NOT paying for a child. The costs associated with adding a child to our family through adoption are fees paid for services required by our agency, lawyer and government to go through the proper legal channels. Some standard fees are for federal/state legal documents, and then there are varying costs based on the country you decide to adopt from and the agency you use. Adoption costs are something that I won't discuss in detail here nor is the topic really appropriate on the playground as I am dropping my 1st grader off at school or as we are catching up in the grocery store. If you are interested in taking the next steps in adoption, I am willing to share details of how to get started over coffee. (Just prepare yourself for tears by bringing me some tissues because I'm just a little passionate these days and it could just be that kind of day in the life of a waiting mom).

Why adoption?

Adoption is our obedience to God. When God called our family to obey we didn't research or go out and interview 15 families that had adopted before us (that would have scared us away for sure!). We obeyed. It sounded exciting and scary all delivered in 1 big Mary Poppins' handbag called a dossier guide. Then came more paperwork, classes, books, counselors, adoptive family stories...We started unpacking what it would mean for our family in the long term and boy did we pull out some big items that will change the path we thought we were on 2 years ago. But we knew if our family was being asked then God would give us the tools to accomplish.

John 14:15-16
15 If you love Me, obey the commandments I have given you. 16 I will ask the Father to send you another Helper, the Spirit of truth, who will remain constantly with you.

Adoption is a beautiful picture of what God has given to us through Christ. Through Christ's death on the cross, we have been given the chance to be coheirs with Him for all eternity. We will receive all the inheritance of a child born into a family because we have been given new life. Without divulging too many details of Christopher and Amelia's stories, they are their stories to tell, we have many unanswered questions as to their birth heritage. It will be hard to reconcile the pain and there must be forgiveness involved but Christ has asked us to give these children a home that will show them God's gift in a tangible way.

Ephesians 1:4-7 (The Voice)
God chose us to be in a relationship with Him even before He laid out plans for this world; He wanted us to live holy lives characterized by love, free from sin, and blameless before Him. He destined us to be adopted as His children through the covenant Jesus the Anointed inaugurated in His sacrificial life. This was His pleasure and His will for us. Ultimately God is the one worthy of praise for showing us His grace;He is merciful and marvelous, freely giving us these gifts in His Beloved. Visualize this: His blood freely flowing down the cross, setting us free! We are forgiven for our sinful ways by the richness of His grace,

Adoption, I believe, will be a catalyst in our family to growing our faith and deepening our walk with God. It will not be easy and it gives a whole new desire for me to find a village to help me raise my kids. We haven't figured it all out or arrived and believe me our maturity level has probably decreased in the last year as our sins lay bare. I leave you with this - adoption may not be for every family but if God is calling you to obey Him in this way He will provide. He will provide relationships, finances, resources and above all He will provide you with His strength to accomplish your calling according to His will.

Ephesians 3:20 (The Voice)
Now to the God who can do so many awe-inspiring things, immeasurable things, things greater than we ever could ask or imagine through the power at work in us, to Him be all glory in the church and in Jesus the Anointed from this generation to the next, forever and ever. Amen.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

My Heart for Christopher, part 1

I've been challenged a lot lately, have admitted my imperfections publicly and have been laid bare for those who know me and those who thought they knew me. It's hard to be vulnerable. Being in an exposed position, we can quickly find ourselves in a freeze, fight or flight mode of existence.

Fully living in an emotional state of "flight" since February, I was sure my April trip to Haiti was going to difficult. Even here in blog world where I feel I can be most honest with myself, I realize I didn't share the heartache of our February trip. Although they aren't written here, the details will forever be etched on my life. God pulled and stretched my heart to a larger size that week so that I could be capable of greater compassion for others and greater dependence on Him.

From the first day in February, Christopher was so out of sorts and was in a constant state of freeze or fight that I couldn't let myself relax for fear I would break down in tears. On top of that emotional roller coaster, we found out on our arrival to the orphanage that Amelia was in the hospital. She was brought to our hotel a day after we got to Haiti but she wasn't well enough to be with us so within 24 hours she was back in the hospital. My cortisol levels were soaring and I wanted out of it all. It was a relief to take our son back to his home at the week's end but so sad as well. He bawled and clung to Tracy before getting handed to his Haitian mamas who take such sweet care of him. Dinner back at the hotel that night was hard as we processed the week and I openly admitted that if my April plane ticket wasn't already bought I wouldn't be coming back.

In the weeks following I struggled with God and asked Him the hard questions. Why this little boy, why our family, why me? I wasn't ready to be a mom to a son that clearly had issues beyond my scope of knowledge and experience. I have never been through pain anywhere near his. How will I be able to relate to this level of grief he experiences. I had never felt a challenge so great. At one point, I wanted to pull our file and be done. God gave Tracy the strength to give me words of truth - It will be hard but that little boy is meant for our family. Then the email came earlier than I expected - Congratulations, You have received your adoption decree. Your child is yours in the eyes of Haiti!

What a game changer! I can only liken it to a tumultuous pregnancy full of surprises that ends with a beautiful, healthy, loud proclamation - IT'S A BOY! We have a son and no matter what the future challenges are we can celebrate right now knowing that God meant for us to be a family.

Tracy and I have connected with a counselor who works with adoptive families (Tracy likes calling her our Parenting Coach). She is equipping us to be better parents to our son. I look at pictures of Christopher when he's happy and I see a boy who has potential to do mighty things! I pray for his spiritual journey as God pulls him to His side and lets him know his true identity. My heart is so big for this little man. I am his mama. Some ask why Haitian adoptions takes so long. I don't have a great answer other than - God is growing me each day we are apart and I pray God is growing Christopher each day as well. I am confident it will be God's perfect timing the day we are on the plan home.

Until then -

Psalm 29:11 The LORD will give strength to His people; The LORD will bless His people with peace.