Haiti, Day 1

Our motto today - Be Flexible! We were on a plane at 6am Eastern time (way too early) and had a roller coaster ride of emotions. We were feeling it all - tired, excited, hot, cold, bored, uncomfortable, energetic from excitement! The plane was horrendously turbulent but we hit ground safely and passed through customs with a breeze. (side note- President Martelly was on a plane from Miami with a few of our families so maybe he is going to get to signing some dossiers this month!) The girls weren't quite prepared for being slightly overtired and a little too hot as we arrived. Haiti is exponentially more humid than our Colorado climate. The pool helped, but the 5 hour wait for the 11 families to arrive so that we could get Christopher was hard for the girls to wrap their minds around. We tried to stay busy and make small adjustments here and there. All in all I'd have to actually brag on our troopers! They each commented on how much fun their first day was in Haiti. I love how easily my kids can remember the positive in a day that wasn't what they expected. Through washed out streets and the busyness of life here, we finally made it to Haiti Lifeline around 3ish. I'm trying not to look at the time down here. it helps my scheduled type-A personality let go of control. We had to search for Christopher. I was grateful I had been before so that I could go straight to his bedroom. He knew he was coming because we had just had a bath and was getting new clothes on. I had a new family album for him and came and kissed it. He acted like he remembered me but was very aloof and stayed very protective. He went to Tracy which thrilled us both. The girls are having a hard time with our "no holding Christopher" rule today. He was overwhelmed but didn't seem to mind 3 cutie pies in his face for the most part. There were tween girls that I met in Decemebr that wanted to be friends with the girls. After a little debate and firmness on Miliane, each girl had a friend and they were whisked away to play and sing and get a tour. The girls LOVED it! We were given a 2 story apartment with 2 bedrooms, a iving room, kitchen and 2 toilets! Spoiled! We will get to go to market tomorrow and buy lunch food. Si so many families in our group, the hotel is offering a. Under each night. It was awesome tonight and each girl found something to eat. It was traditional Haitian food - chicken, fish, potatoes, rice & beans, cabbage slaw, pickled veggies. YUMMY! Christopher is sweet. He's not willing to trust yet. He's an observer who hates change. He lets us hold him and take him wherever we are going. We are praying for a morning of no tears and a quick turn to comfort on his part. Tracy would love to see his smile in real life ;) the girls too for that matter. Tomorrow is a relax day here. I will try to post pics tomorrow. Some families weren't having any luck.

Speechless

Speechless this morning. Maybe because it's 5 in the morning or maybe I truly have no words to describe how I am feeling. I think it's the latter. On a run this past week, I tried to formulate expectations that I have not spoken. More than expectations, they came out as fears. The 2 I came up with were that Christopher will go to the girls to have his needs met and will not want my help and that he won't have a glimmer of recognition and will not want to be with our family. I have since laid these down knowing that we will work through any rough situation. The girls know to direct Christopher's needs back to me and I believe he will be comfortable with us at the hotel with his friends. As I begin to wake up, my coffee is kicking in and I am beginning to focus on the excitement bubbling up in my soul. I am excited about meeting new family friends; friends for life, connected through our children and their Haitian heritage. I am excited about seeing the country of Haiti again. There truly is beauty throughout. I am excited about lavishing love on our son, establishing a further bond in our hearts for our family. I am excited for my family and all the new experiences that they will have for the rest of their lives. I can't wait to share more tonight after we are reunited with Christopher. If you are praying: Pray for a safe flight to Haiti and an easy customs transition. Pray for the girls' as they are a little tired from being so excited yesterday Pray that Christopher's heart will be open to his new family this week

Good Days and Bad Days

I am not really a morning person. My internal clock would rather be set to begin later than sunrise but I have found the quiet of the morning invaluable as my kids get older and sleep later. I may even get to finish a whole cup of coffee before I hear the first stirring in the house. That said, I have 1 daughter who is CLEARLY a morning person. She wakes up with a song in her voice and a smile on her face. I have a daughter who can be pretty cheery as long as she's gotten a full night's sleep. I then have my darling daughter who we cautiously wake each morning as though waking a hibernating bear. Mornings can be a bit unpredictable before school so we (or should I say "I") started a morning tradition a few months back.


We have a "morning song" 5 minutes before they walk out the door to school. Each girl gets a turn to pick the song. Our favorite for a while now is Mandisa's "Good Morning". It's bright and cheery and we can DANCE!! We turn it up loud, singing and dancing for a few minutes before the reality of the day sends each of us in a different direction.


Yesterday morning we were singing at the top of our lungs and I got a catch in my throat (you know, the one that causes you to stop singing mid sentence?). The words were "I can feel the hope that's rising up in me." I held back my tears. I realized I was having a good day after quite a few bad days. 


Bad days...I mean REALLY bad days. The kind where sunglasses are a must in the grocery store; otherwise, everyone will wonder who died evidenced by the puffy red eyes and the blotchy face (I have mastered the "ugly cry"). I'd like to blame it all on my age and the fact that hormones can start surging. I'd like to say work is stressing me out or I'm a super sensitive person, but those wouldn't be the truth. I took a couple of sleepless nights and a few quiet moments to God and asked, "What is going on? This isn't like me and I hate it!"


I felt like I was doing an amazing job of weathering all the ups and downs of the adoption. My son is well cared for and truly loved by those at the orphanage. He doesn't know what he's missing. This is part of God's plan to help prepare our hearts to bring him home. I could put each emotion that came up in a different box and close the lid. Those lids popped open last week and the tears started. Then, instead of emptying my boxes a Christ's feet, I started listening to the lies that were forming in my head. 


Lies of the enemy: 
I'm not ready to be Christopher's mom. 
I'm jealous of everyone else's forward progress. 
It's wrong to want the process to be faster and for our story to be the exception and miraculous. 
Being sad isn't helping - I have to be strong and positive for my family. 
Wanting to know the details of this adoption process is because of my controlling nature.


The enemy lies in wait for when we are weak and tired; he then twists words. These statements can sound logical and true, but they are wrong! I long for what is mine that I cannot have now. This adoption process is showing me so many parallels of my walk with Jesus. 


I cling to what He has given me, what He has promised me as His child that I only have in part while living here. So through my good days and bad days, He is teaching me that it's okay to be weak, vulnerable and honest. It's just a reminder that this world is not our home and that our longing for things to be made right is a longing for Him.


1 Corinthians 13:12
For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.