Next in Line, Please

Some wonder how in the world I can get all my Christmas cards in the mail and my Christmas shopping done before the turkey is barely cold on our Thanksgiving table. While I will credit my type A organized brain that gets the tasks done, I do have other motives. I hate crowds. I have only ever been to a handful of concerts, I dread professional game arenas, I don't believe it's just nerves at the start line of any running race and it's one of the major reasons why I don't ski with my family each winter. I've been thinking about the why in an attempt to say "Yes" to more events where there will be a lot of people.

At the root of it all, I believe it's that I need to feel a sense of fairness in my life. Although I hate long lines, I appreciate the Post Office's system of 1 line serves all. "Next in line" is called out and you know who is next by virtue of your placement. There's no fairness in picking a line at a store because it looks efficient only to see 2 rows down another line opens and someone else walks up and takes the chance to be next.

I only speak of my weakness as it has been brought to my attention with our adoption. We started our paperwork, our dossier, with Christopher July 2011. We had high hopes and big dreams that we could be the exception and be done faster than any other family who had gone before. We were matched with him August 2011 and our dossier was off to translation and out of our control by October 2011. 3 1/2 months of preparing, gathering and praying and then we got in line, so we thought. Our dossier arrived in Haiti right around Thanksgiving 2011 and we had hopes that we could be in the system, IBESR, by February. That time came and went. Suffice it to say, our "Next in line, please" didn't come as planned. The circumstances were/are in God's hands and when Christopher's paperwork finally came into order May 2012, it was a day after IBESR closed their doors to new dossiers. ONE DAY! What a difference a day makes took on a whole new meaning. There was nothing to be done. August 16, 2012, IBESR reopened and we still didn't get called. We had to painfully wait until August 31, 2012 to take our place in line. 9 months after our dossier arrived. A whole pregnancy term, we waited.

That's where we stand. We are in the infamous black whole of IBESR awaiting Presidential dispensation. It isn't fair and the waiting is downright cruel when I think about it so I don't. Not very often. It's too painful. How I long to hear it's our turn to bring our little man home. It's time. At least that's my opinion. God's plans are far greater than mine and so we continue to wait.

I avoid crowds. I apologize if you happen to be in that crowd. I'm trying not to have a pity party over the unfairness of the system I feel our children are trapped in. Know that our family appreciates each of your prayers and well wishes. We do appreciate each of your lives that have played an encouraging role in this journey. As we wait, I am reminded that I am surrounded by others who wait, too. With bated breath, we all long to hear, "Next in line, please," that phone call telling us to make final arrangements to bring our children into their forever home. I do envy those who seem to have it easier and get through quicker than we have but I hold nothing against them. I rejoice with those who rejoice. I just long for it to be us rejoicing this Christmas season. I long for fairness in an unfair world and I cling to God's promises.

Isaiah 30:18-19
¹⁸ So the Lord wants to show you kindness. He waits on high to have loving-pity on you. For the Lord is a God of what is right and fair. And good will come to all those who hope in Him. ¹⁹ O people in Zion who live in Jerusalem, you will cry no more. For sure He will show loving-kindness to you at the sound of your cry. When He hears it, He will answer you.