Majesty - a. The greatness and dignity of a sovereign. b. The sovereignty and power of God
As I reflect on my past 4 months, I cannot believe how time has flown. I can tell you that the 4 months preceding when I was separated from my son were excruciatingly slow to the point that I was desperately warding off depression as I tried daily to trust in God's sovereign hand and pleading on my Haitian born children's behalf.
I must say that although the months have gone in a blink it has been HARD. Not hard like, "Wow, that workout was hard. I am going to be sore in the morning." but "Oh LORD, if you don't take away some of this hardship I am going to collapse under the magnitude of its weight and sustain some nasty scars."
At times, being an adoptive parent can feel crushing and daunting. The problems our children are facing in their hearts and minds can seem insurmountable as a parent on the outside looking in. No matter how safe you make their surroundings, no matter how many times you say "Yes," no matter how often you cry out and pray for God to take away the spirit of fear, you can't control it all away. And that can feel crippling.
At times, being an adoptive parent is the most amazing reward. The joy in his smile, the cuddles of a little boy who has longed for that kind of touch for so long, the triumphs of him learning new independence makes the hard times worth it. Seeing the hard shell of anger being chipped away is a treasure I will forever hold as sacred. I missed so many firsts but I get to be a part of so many more. He is a different child today than he was four months ago.
As I was retelling some of my struggles to a friend over coffee yesterday I realized that the child God delivered into my life through a snapshot 2 ½ years ago is exactly the little boy who I needed in order to see the hand of God connect my past with my future. His timing and his plan are not what I would have chosen for myself but they are His gift to me. It is now my responsibility to find His majesty in the everyday (which comprises most days of trying to be a mom to a 5 ½ year old with the emotional maturity of a 2 year old and a mentality of a 12 year old).
Lord, I need you today. Thank you for giving me a chance to learn how to lean into you through parenting.
