2012 Year in Review

As we reflect on this past year, we have been clinging to God's truths - 

2 Peter 1:3-8

3 Jesus has the power of God, by which he has given us everything we need to live and to serve God. We have these things because we know him. Jesus called us by his glory and goodness. 4 Through these he gave us the very great and precious promises. With these gifts you can share in God’s nature, and the world will not ruin you with its evil desires. 5 Because you have these blessings, do your best to add these things to your lives: to your faith, add goodness; and to your goodness, add knowledge; 6 and to your knowledge, add self-control; and to your self-control, add patience; and to your patience, add service for God; 7 and to your service for God, add kindness for your brothers and sisters in Christ; and to this kindness, add love. 8 If all these things are in you and are growing, they will help you to be useful and productive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Ellie (age 10) is breezing through her last year in elementary school. She is having a great time starting gymnastics again (just 1 day a week now). She loves music - it’s her second year in Singing Eagles (her school’s choir for 4th and 5th graders). She also started taking piano lessons and loves practicing daily.  

Kasia (age 9) is thriving in 4th grade. She hit a growth spurt and is now almost 5 feet tall! She has continued her music love by joining the Singing Eagles with her sister and decided to take piano lessons after graduating Children’s Music Academy in the Spring.

Mathea (age 7) graduated kindergarten and is now loving first grade, although she does think she'd have more time with mom if she was homeschooled. Can you tell she's a mama's girl? She’s continuing her music education at Children’s Music Academy. She’s loving gymnastics and most days we can find her doing handstands against the wall or couch! 

All 3 of the girls are thriving in their winter skiing adventures! Mom gets quiet time  when they’re in the mountains and they get dad time. They are all enjoying Awana on Wednesday nights, giving mom and dad weekly date nights. They really enjoyed our 2 1/2 weeks road trip of the MidWest that we affectionately termed "Our American Girl Tour" visiting 4 American Girl Stores along the way (and passing on store #5 in Kansas City even though we were there). 

Christopher (age 4) is trusting us more each time we visit. He got to meet the entire family in May when we all travelled to Haiti. God blessed us with the opportunity to spend quality time with him at the orphanage in August and then Christy got another chance to see him in November. He’s strong-willed and sweet wrapped up in all-boy antics. We love seeing more of personality each time we're there. 

Amelia (2 months) is the newest member of the Hires’ team. While Christy was in Haiti in November, God put in on her heart that this precious miracle would be our 5th baby. When she returned home, the entire family confirmed that God was making our family complete. We were able to finish our part of the dossier in 2 weeks (that's uber-fast) but there is a long road ahead of us as we wait for our dossier to be translated, legalized and for her paperwork to be complete before we enter the Haitian system. We trust God’s hand will be with her through this wait time.

Tracy continues to work for teknovare with a steady contract in Seattle for now. It’s nice that he gets to see his brother’s family on a regular basis. He continued running in 2012 by finishing 3 half marathons. Even with all that running, he still prefers his mountain bike. He’s skiing with the girls this winter season. 

Christy is coming up on her 10 year anniversary with I^st Security Escrow Company. She'll be there until Christopher comes home. It's a blessing to stay busy during our wait. She was able to accomplish 6 half marathons this year, with one race in Oregon! She said good-bye to co-leading Women to Women at church in the spring but found a great Monday night Bible study this fall. She’s involved with the adoption group at our church and is really treasuring her trips to Haiti to visit our Haitian babies.

We covet your prayers that our faith will not be shaken and are looking forward to many changes in 2013! 

Next in Line, Please

Some wonder how in the world I can get all my Christmas cards in the mail and my Christmas shopping done before the turkey is barely cold on our Thanksgiving table. While I will credit my type A organized brain that gets the tasks done, I do have other motives. I hate crowds. I have only ever been to a handful of concerts, I dread professional game arenas, I don't believe it's just nerves at the start line of any running race and it's one of the major reasons why I don't ski with my family each winter. I've been thinking about the why in an attempt to say "Yes" to more events where there will be a lot of people.

At the root of it all, I believe it's that I need to feel a sense of fairness in my life. Although I hate long lines, I appreciate the Post Office's system of 1 line serves all. "Next in line" is called out and you know who is next by virtue of your placement. There's no fairness in picking a line at a store because it looks efficient only to see 2 rows down another line opens and someone else walks up and takes the chance to be next.

I only speak of my weakness as it has been brought to my attention with our adoption. We started our paperwork, our dossier, with Christopher July 2011. We had high hopes and big dreams that we could be the exception and be done faster than any other family who had gone before. We were matched with him August 2011 and our dossier was off to translation and out of our control by October 2011. 3 1/2 months of preparing, gathering and praying and then we got in line, so we thought. Our dossier arrived in Haiti right around Thanksgiving 2011 and we had hopes that we could be in the system, IBESR, by February. That time came and went. Suffice it to say, our "Next in line, please" didn't come as planned. The circumstances were/are in God's hands and when Christopher's paperwork finally came into order May 2012, it was a day after IBESR closed their doors to new dossiers. ONE DAY! What a difference a day makes took on a whole new meaning. There was nothing to be done. August 16, 2012, IBESR reopened and we still didn't get called. We had to painfully wait until August 31, 2012 to take our place in line. 9 months after our dossier arrived. A whole pregnancy term, we waited.

That's where we stand. We are in the infamous black whole of IBESR awaiting Presidential dispensation. It isn't fair and the waiting is downright cruel when I think about it so I don't. Not very often. It's too painful. How I long to hear it's our turn to bring our little man home. It's time. At least that's my opinion. God's plans are far greater than mine and so we continue to wait.

I avoid crowds. I apologize if you happen to be in that crowd. I'm trying not to have a pity party over the unfairness of the system I feel our children are trapped in. Know that our family appreciates each of your prayers and well wishes. We do appreciate each of your lives that have played an encouraging role in this journey. As we wait, I am reminded that I am surrounded by others who wait, too. With bated breath, we all long to hear, "Next in line, please," that phone call telling us to make final arrangements to bring our children into their forever home. I do envy those who seem to have it easier and get through quicker than we have but I hold nothing against them. I rejoice with those who rejoice. I just long for it to be us rejoicing this Christmas season. I long for fairness in an unfair world and I cling to God's promises.

Isaiah 30:18-19
¹⁸ So the Lord wants to show you kindness. He waits on high to have loving-pity on you. For the Lord is a God of what is right and fair. And good will come to all those who hope in Him. ¹⁹ O people in Zion who live in Jerusalem, you will cry no more. For sure He will show loving-kindness to you at the sound of your cry. When He hears it, He will answer you.

They Give Their All

It is truly humbling to bring home a gift from Haiti. I have had such a hard time collecting my thoughts to share with you all. I have started and erased about 3 times now. There are no words to describe how blessed I feel by the godly women who take care of the kids at Haiti Lifeline Orphanage. Many of them have entrusted their family members to take care of their own children so that they can be with mine. They give their time, their discipline, their love to no end. 

On any given day during my visit, I would leave Christopher playing near the guesthouse and find myself drawn to the second floor dormitory where there are 3 rooms. The baby room (up to about age 3), preschool-age room and kindergarten-age room. Throughout the day the babies and preschoolers will play in their rooms and the open air walkway between. They LOVE visitors and I find myself sitting down quickly so that 3 children can fit on my legs, 1 in each arm and a couple of girls playing with my hair. They crave smiles and tickles and hugs; they can't get enough hugs! It's such a treasure to love on these sweet babies (so many of them have homes in America and that thrills my soul, too).

I am always greeted with a smile by all the mamas. They may be folding clothes, sweeping the floor, getting bottles ready for the babies, braiding hair, sitting down for a quick break OR my favorite time - they're chatting with each other. They motion for me to pull up a bucket and I listen. What they are talking about, I don't usually know, but they are always willing to include me. Sometimes, we try to talk to each other but we never truly understand what the other is saying.  When the time comes, I stand and give hugs all around. I feel loved and accepted by these women and I would love to know their stories and write them for you all. 

As a thank you, I was able to head up cooking them dinner the night before we left. Suffice it to say, God blessed us all through that time together of thanks. Delva (Christopher's room mama) stood up when they were done eating and through a translator told us that the only gift they had to offer in return was a song and a prayer. It was so amazing to hear them sing in unison and hear her powerful prayer in Creole. As the night came to a close, Emily (the missionary that lives there) told me that Delva had something for me. Delva and Mary (Christopher's other room mama) had spent the day making paper flowers for me. I remember seeing them being made and thinking how beautiful they were. The time and money put into such a sweet gift made me cry. I didn't deserve them. These women deserved more of me than I had offered. They gave me their friendship and a gift. It was hard to accept. I had brought Christmas gifts that they will get in December and my gift felt so small in comparison. 

I was reminded of the verses in Mark of the woman who gave more than all the rich combined because she gave it all. Today, in the season of giving, I am humbled by the most valuable gift I have already received. Nothing will quite compare unless I am willing to give my all.


Mark 12:41-44

The Message (MSG)

^41-44 Sitting across from the offering box, he was observing how the crowd tossed money in for the collection. Many of the rich were making large contributions. One poor widow came up and put in two small coins—a measly two cents. Jesus called his disciples over and said, “The truth is that this poor widow gave more to the collection than all the others put together. All the others gave what they’ll never miss; she gave extravagantly what she couldn’t afford—she gave her all.

A Bit Overwhelming

Coming back to America after a trip to Haiti can be a bit harsh on the senses.

I know I thought the same thing about arriving and being in Haiti my first time. When entering into a poverty stricken country we can tend to focus on the stark differences our senses are experiencing:

Smells of different spices and food, diesel fuels from the street cars, decomposing trash, burn piles, human waste, foul standing water and sweat to name a few.
Sights of broken roads, dirt and filth, poorly cared for children, trash piled on the side of the road, a dead animal and staring people.
Sounds of bartering men and women at the roadside market, children laughing, trucks honking, loud music or political rants from speakers and men telling us, "I give you good price."
Touching, well, minimal touching at first as we hesitate and wonder what we may contract or expose ourselves to.
Tasting new foods, cold Cokes, warm filtered water, dust that chokes and diesel that seems to become a flavor.
Feeling, the sixth sense, the Holy Spirit sense that grabs our heart and tells us that everyone needs compassion, the kindness of a Savior. The look I get from an old man who says, "Mesi, Madam, God. Bless. You." as I had him a $10 bill for his trinkets that he is selling. (mesi is thank you in Creole). It's singing praise songs with the orphaned teenage girls on a dark concrete porch lit by a lone bulb and then hugging and kissing them all "Bon nwit" (good night) before bed. It's rocking a teeny 3 week old baby in my arms knowing that she was found in the mud and brought to Mama Nicole because God has a wonderful plan for her life.

Overwhelming to be there at first maybe but as I stay and become a part of their life I become more at peace. While there, I don't have the urgent need to check my email every hour. No rushing to appointments, no worries about missing t.v. shows, there aren't after school activities that take the kids away. We eat together, play together, braid hair, smile, tickle, hold babies, watch a soccer game in the field and try our hand at teaching each other English and Creole (which leads to laughing).

After four trips this year I have found it more overwhelming to return home. Even on the plane, I am reminded of how lucky I am to be able to fly, a luxury that many Haitians will never in their lifetime get to experience. I step off the plane and am bombarded with sights of excess. Thoughts like, we are a 2 car family, each of my girls has their own room, I left my clothes for the Mamas in Haiti because I have a closet full of things I didn't take. The junk mail when I got home caught me off guard. Magazines for Christmas gifts, coupons for shopping, reminders of holiday entertainment opportunities that we are told WE JUST CAN'T MISS. I struggle with modern conveniences that cause our lives to be "easier" but in the end seem to separate us into our own little worlds rather than bring us closer as friends and community. The sounds of ringing phones, television, and alarms that make my heart pound as I am reminded that there are tasks to be done.

I have been home for a little over 2 days now and my heart didn't pound with anxiety when I woke up this morning. I have handed my overwhelmed thoughts to the Lord. I will make the changes in my life that God has challenged me to make and I will continue to pray that my heart will be tender to the needs not only in Haiti but in my everyday life as well.

Phillipians 4:6-7 (The Message)
Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Silence is...

...golden.

But in my case, it's been painful and scary and hard. I have filled my moments where I could be silently waiting on the Lord because I fear hearing nothing.

Tracy and I returned from Haiti on August 14th LATE only to hit the ground running with the girls' first day of school the next morning. I didn't have to think or sit still, I just had to do. Hair, outfits, pictures, breakfast, lunches, hearing and telling stories, laundry, emails, work projects. The "to-do" list was great. I would sit down and process the trip later. There was no time. My heart is pounding right now remembering the anxious, overwhelmed feelings of needing it all to be done.

Fast forward and I found myself gearing up for another trip 2 months later, marveling at how time had flown. School, Bible study, running, working, family time, friend time, home management... I had spent time in the word and spent time praying but I had filled up the silence.

I didn't want to be still. Maybe there was fear of hopeless tears, maybe there was fear of being angry at God for not answering my prayers the way I desired, maybe there was fear of doubting God's grace in my son's life. Let me be honest - I KNOW those fears were there.

We found out on August 15th that IBESR would be opening their doors to new dossiers on the morning of the 16th. Our prayers were finally being answered and we would be in the Haitian system after waiting for almost 9 months after our responsibilities were completed! 2 weeks went by and our phone lines were silent. SILENT. No news, no file #, no movement. I am tearing up even now as my heart still gets clutched with frustration over not being able to control others' actions and others' hearts to be the first in line the morning they opened their doors. That's my child who sits in the orphanage an extra 2 weeks apart from us (and maybe longer because there were other files being delivered ahead of us). I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to sit silently bawling my eyes out to the Lord. It hurt too much to dwell in silence. What good does it do to hurt?

God can heal. That's the good. He can take the hurt and the frustration and the confusion of our hearts and clean out the sinful anger and sinful desire to turn away from godly dependence. He then can stitch up our wounds, bandage them and kiss away our tears. He can hold us up and whisper words of comfort that help us know we are not alone in this journey. My prayers have turned from speaking requests to silently listening for His answer. I've made known my heart; now I need to hear His.

We have a file number. It was given to us August 31, 2012. That's almost 14 months after we started the process and 1 year after being matched with Christopher. God asks, "What's 1 year in eternity?" I will wait.

Psalm 5:1-3 Listen to my words, Lord, consider my lament. 
Hear my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.
In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; 
in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.

I would give you the shirt off my back...

But you want the shoes on my feet?

God and I had a conversation earlier in the day about giving. Tracy and I came to Haiti with about 100 pounds of gently used shirts, swatches of fabric, diapers, wipes, soap and pillowcases. It came in 2 duffel bags that were staying. We personally packed light and expected that we would leave a majority of our wardrobe as well. I love to give especially when I know the gift will be used and appreciated.

Back to my God conversation. He and I were talking because one of the room mamas who doesn't speak English pointed to my bright red skirt, smiled and said "love"! I picked up the skirt while on vacation this summer in Kansas City. I bought it with the intention of leaving it and its sisters, bright blue skirt and bright purple skirt. They were fun colors but not really my style of choice. It was easy to tell her the skirt was hers tomorrow. I thanked God that my bright red skirt could bring someone such joy. He then said "Give it all". I thought about how I would divvy up my skirts. Would it be to the mamas or to the teenage girls? I didn't really have any intention of handing out my shirts. I brought running shirts that I had gotten at races. They had memories attached. This one was my first half marathon, this half marathon was my best finish time, this shirt is white and will be ruined within a couple of wearings, BUT if you want me to I will give them. Later, I went up to Christopher's room to take pictures of his roommates. Mama Delva is Christopher's room mama. She's beautiful and about my height. She also doesn't speak ANY English, not a word, and my creole is even more atrocious than my hand gestures so there's smiling, hugging and cheek kisses to show our blossoming friendship. She pointed to my shoes and nodded her head. Wait. What? You want my shoes? No. What? These, God? Are you sure she doesn't just want my blue skirt? They're not even going to fit her right! These are my Chacos!!

For you who don't understand my dismay, Chacos are REALLY expensive (I'll just call them as she saw them) flip flops. They have an arch support, the intricate straps are all 1 piece that weave around your foot, and once you figure out how big to make each loop they fit you like a tailored glove. I started wearing them after my Chiropractor called me out for buying orthotics for my running shoes and then wearing $2 Old Navy flip flops the rest of the day. "You're ruining you feet and no wonder your back hurts..." I wore them all summer: to the pool, after races, to church, with skirts, shorts, casual, semi-dressy... I hope you're getting the picture. They were my go-to shoe.

God was not asking me to give what was easy and unnecessary in my life; He was asking me to give up something slightly more precious and valuable. I was going to feel this gift giving. As I slid it off my foot the thought when through my mind, "don't fit." How selfish and rude! God knew they would fit. God saw her $2 flip flops and all the work she does on her feet all day and said to me, "I care for her feet and back, too." I care for you both. I love you both.

At the end of the week, Emily (the missionary that lives at Lifeline) and I walked upstairs with my Chacos. I handed them to her and Emily told her they were hers. The hug was so big and it matched her smile. As we were leaving, Emily said that those were probably the nicest shoes she'd ever had and they would last her a long time. I came home in my old Tevas that I planned on leaving at the orphanage, but I came home with a full heart, knowing that I listened to the prompting of God. I will not lie, I was resistant when God first asked for obedience. I wanted to make excuses that would justify my disobedience. As I shared the interaction with a team member she said, "You can always buy another pair when you get home." True. But what if I never replaced them? What if I went without as a reminder that there are many people in this world who go without every day and I am not usually one of them? God challenged me to go beyond my own plans and I obeyed.

Will I continue to hear God's prompting and be obedient even if it's past my comfort level or my own expectations? I deeply desire that to be true.

My Chacos and my fun red skirt

Precious Mama Delva 

(Thank you to whoever took this picture. It's borrowed from someone on our team).

Feels Like Coming Home

It was the weirdest feeling. I almost didn't lean out the window to catch a glimpse of the island as we started our descent. It had been an extremely long night, sleeping in the Newark airport rather than opting for a hotel room this time. I was freezing and huddled under my bath towel for 4 1/2 hours, just waiting for the first airport restaurant to open. Our flight left Newark 4 hours after my first cup of coffee and I was exhausted. I slept a little of the 4 hour flight but mostly prayed. Prayed that I would have enough emotional energy to sustain whatever would come, prayed for our little man that he would be willing to be himself, prayed for the kids at Haiti Lifeline that we would be with for a week, prayed for the team in South Dakota who was finishing their preparations to come 2 days after we arrived, prayed that our old plane would make it across the Atlantic corridor safely into Haiti and prayed that God would use me.

At the last minute, I opened my window shade and leaned over to take a look. "It feels like coming home" was literally the thought that popped in my head. This was my third trip in 8 months to a country that I never dreamed I would get a chance to visit once. I love the people, the sights, the food and my unexpected feeling of awe at the way a country can exude so much national pride with seemingly nothing to take pride in by Western standards. We landed, walked down the stairs onto the tarmac and over to the bus that takes us to immigration with ease as though it was the way it's done everywhere. The air was cool and after a shivering night, it was not a pleasant surprise. Tracy gathered our bags after easing our way through immigration and we began "the walk". The other 2 trips I/we were greeted by Patrick or one of his Haitian helpers to get us to the vehicle. You see, as you leave the airport, the"red shirts" are immediately there wanting to help you with your bags, help you get a ride, help, help, help. They always reassure you that they know who you are waiting for and that they can help you find them. None of this comes free and so we have to be careful to hold our bags tight, politely say, "No, mesi" and continue forward as though we know what we are doing even if we don't have a clue. We hadn't been in contact with Emily or Nicole personally so the panicked thoughts went through my head of what would we do scenarios if someone wasn't there to greet us. I don't know enough Creole to talk my way out of a box! At the end of the long outdoor corridor between baggage pick-up and the parking lot, there was Emily's smiling self waiting to greet us. The sight of her melted away all panic. Soon after that, we were pleasantly surprised that Mama Nicole came, too (the orphanage director). No sooner than we had our bags loaded and we were securely in the SUV, it began to rain.

Our trip to Haiti Lifeline was a quick drive relative to Haiti travel. It was a road very familiar since there is only 1 main road that goes from Port-au-Prince to Croix des Bouquet. Christopher knew we were coming and in his coy way he greeted us with great big cuddly hugs. We got to eat right away even though it was 3:00 in the afternoon by the time we sat down. It was an enormous spread. Nicole and I had many conversations about Haiti's way of life and eating and being hospitable. I gobbled up the delicious food and any words that this dear lady had to share. It feels like getting to know Christopher's family and I am always so eager to hear any tidbit of her life and his that she has to share.


We flew in on Wednesday afternoon and wouldn't see the rest of our team until Friday afternoon. Our first few days were the 2 of us and 2 other guys from Kansas, Phil and David. It felt like Tracy got put to work right away after we got our things to our rooms. Christopher was given the choice to sleep with me, Papa or in his own bed. He chose me. I didn't bring enough clothes since I really didn't know what to expect, whether he would be with me or more independent, if he wanted what was familiar, if he was even aware of how it worked. I think he has seen enough mamas and papas come to know the routine. You get to be in the guesthouse eating all their food, wearing their clothes and being treated like a king! That's what he wanted so up to his room and his room mama, Mama Delva, to get more clothes and say Hi to all his roomies. I know many of them through their parents on Facebook. It is so special to see each face and know how loved they are by an awaiting family. I hugged and kissed them all with a little twinge of sadness for Mama Delva as I realized that she would be saying goodbye to all her babies within the next year and getting another 10-12 kids to love and take care of. She doesn't speak any English. I would love to ask her - does she ever think about the goodbyes?

There are so many details floating and I am trying to sort through what happened when. I didn't take my computer and typing on my i-Pad was too daunting of a task, especially if I took it outside the guesthouse. The kids were very eager for technology toys and I obliged until I realized they were spending more time hovered around a game than wanting to interact with me or each other (sound like any kid you know?) I resorted to taking my morning coffee to the school room with my journal which only got confiscated by more children who wanted to impress me with their writing skills. I had them write their names. That is one of my most treasured couple of sheets in that journal. It brought tears to my eyes as I thought of how each of my girls used to doodle their names and gibberish in amongst my scrawl. The thought that kept coming to me over and over was - these kids aren't much different than my girls.

My camera got taken while I was trying to journal

Always drinking coffee

I know not much of this first entry is about Christopher. This trip was longer than the other 2 trips and God had so much happen that I felt I had better start unpacking one thought stream at a time. Rest assured, I have much more to share. God has more to share with you, too, through my words. I can't wait to have time to pen them all.